She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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