I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
