so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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