You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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