apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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