Plan B is the new Plan A
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
