I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
