somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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