Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
