i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
