Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
