The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize