someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
