she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
