My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
