Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
