Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
