I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
