giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
