Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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