She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
