The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
