I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
