You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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