My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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