shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
