She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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