His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
