Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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