so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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