I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
