I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
