I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
