I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
