There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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