Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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