He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
