Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
