I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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