I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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