85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
