Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
