If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
