let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
