apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
