Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
