i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
