i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
