gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
