Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
