if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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