Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize