My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
