I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We have started to decorate penises.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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