btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
