How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
