Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize