I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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