His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
