Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
