I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
