what is it with giant penises always finding me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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