I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
