Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
