just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
