Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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