"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
