haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
