Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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