When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
