So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
