shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Four minutes until I can fart!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
