My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
