Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize