Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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