Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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