i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
