HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
time to smoke my breakfast
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
