You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
