mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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